8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
