Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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