Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
