we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
