remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize