I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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