Umm I'm too high to move.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
