Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
