I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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