you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize