I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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