Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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