We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
