the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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