No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
