It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
