I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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