OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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