I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just had sex bonerless
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
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