I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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