and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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