My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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