$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
