I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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