hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
