If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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