It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
