I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
