I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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