my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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