Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
