Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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