Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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