Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
