He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize