Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
