Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
