Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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