I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
