Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
