do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
