I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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