very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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