Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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