I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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