i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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