Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
