is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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