I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
