another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize