dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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