just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
