I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
