Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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