Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
