I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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