Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
