Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
