the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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