Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
