Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i came on her dog
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
