Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
