i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
