ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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