I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
