Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
