You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
