roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize