You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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