I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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