What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
