SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
