Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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