South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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