I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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