You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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