im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
