At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
