i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
