Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
